Are you in love with your partner or are you just
attached to them? Love can be complicated, but this article explains a few of
the differences between attachment and real love. I hope that these
explanations will aid you in nurturing your current relationship or creating
one based on genuine love in the future.
1. Love is selfless, attachment is selfish
When you’re
in love, you focus on making the other person happy. You’re always thinking
of ways to make sure that your partner feels loved and fulfilled. You
aren’t keeping score, arguing over who helps more, or fighting over who is
supposed to wash the dishes. You don’t emotionally blackmail your partner,
try to manipulate them, or seek to dominate the relationship.
When you’re
merely attached to someone, you’re focused upon the ways in which they can
make you happy. You become heavily dependent upon your partner and may even try
to control him or her to avoid abandonment. Instead of confronting your own
issues, you use your partner to improve your self-esteem and fill a void
within you. You believe that they are responsible for your happiness and
become frustrated and angry if they fail to bring you contentment.
2. Love is liberating, attachment is controlling
Mutual love
allows you to be your true self. Your partner encourages you to be who you
genuinely are and you won’t be afraid to expose your weaknesses. Mutual trust
develops and becomes a powerful catalyst for personal growth for both of you.
Love is never controlling. In actuality, love transcends control. Your
partner’s ability to accept you for who you are and encourage you to pursue
your dreams allows you to let go of the need to control their life.
Attachment,
on the other hand, tends to fuel controlling behavior. You may discourage your
partner from spending time with their friends, play mind games, or put an
unhealthy level of focus on pleasing them. You may even try to manipulate them
into staying with you regardless of their feelings.
3. Love is mutual growth, attachment is encumbering
If you’re in
love, you and your partner will grow together. When both of you work to become
the best versions of yourselves, you’ll become better than you could have on
your own. In short, your partner stimulates your growth, and you do the same
for them.
In cases of
attachment, your urge to control and your inability to solve your own
problems restricts your growth as well as your partner’s. Your unresolved
issues cause unnecessary dependence upon your significant other. Not
surprisingly, this restricts the growth of both parties and makes it difficult
to love in a healthy way.
4. Love is everlasting, attachment is transient
Love
survives the passage of time. You and your partner may ultimately breakup, be
it temporarily or permanently. If you were truly in love, however, that person
will always have a place in your heart and you will continue to wish them well
for the rest of their life.
If, on the
other hand, you were merely attached to them, you will likely hold resentment
after a breakup. You may even experience feelings of betrayal. These
feelings stem from the assumption that your partner had an obligation to make
you happy that, in your eyes, was not fulfilled.
5. Love is ego-reducing, attachment is ego-boosting
When in
love, you become less self-centered. Your relationship serves to reduce your
ego, fosters your growth, and encourages you to become less selfish and more
loving. The relationship you have with your partner fuels positive changes for
both of you. More importantly, you’ll both have the courage to share your
weaknesses, expose your vulnerabilities, and communicate from the heart.
Alternatively,
relationships based on attachment are typically dominated by the ego. This is
why many people repeatedly fall into a continuous stream of unsatisfying
relationships, each of which involves the same, recurrent problems. You
find it difficult to look within and resolve your issues. This generates
dependency within your relationship, which triggers the feeling that you can’t
be happy without your partner. You rely on your significant other to solve your
problems or, at the very least, help you forget them.
If you
aren’t in love right now, I sincerely hope that you will find your soul
mate and build a magnificent relationship with that person. Until
then, why not work on becoming a better and more loving version of
yourself? As the saying goes “Like attracts like”. If that’s the
case, it’s wise to become the person that you wish to attract!
By : Thibaut
Meurisse
Image: www.neatorama.com
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